My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
