so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
