If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
