even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
