I accidentally had phone sex last night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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