Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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