Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
