His pubic hair was longer than his dick
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
