I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
