This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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