its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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