i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
