I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
