i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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