Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
