Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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