i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
