I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
