Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
