I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
