Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
