Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
