Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
