just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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