It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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