I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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