my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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