Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
