he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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