I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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