Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
