your room smells of hookers.
And success
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
