so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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