My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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