dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I love having hate sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
