Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
