your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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