I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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