is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
