is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
