i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
