new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
