Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize