After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
