worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
