i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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