i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize