Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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