dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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