I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
