I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
