they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
