The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
