Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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