Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He felt like a one man threesome
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Randomize
