She tied me up with her honor cords...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
