don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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