I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
