Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
