i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
