And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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