I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
