Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
