The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
