We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
