how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
