Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
