I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
