Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
