get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize