I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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