He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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