And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
