Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
