So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize