I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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