i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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