Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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