Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
