so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize