All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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