I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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