I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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