my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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