AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
