im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
