Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
