Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize