just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
