No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
