You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
