This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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