the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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