So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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